Not Invited

You will never likely see my family on a list of people to invite to a thing.

Jesse (husband) and I were talking recently about how we are lonely, that we don't really have many friends. We know why. It's not because we are not fun people. I, for one, am a very fun people. Jesse is slightly more boring than I but he has a hilarious sense of humor. We are cool people to have around.
We have six kids. SIX. When people invite us to a thing, they have to double their food budget. They have to double the space. They have to put away anything breakable. Or they have to make it so that children cannot come. Have you ever paid a babysitter, or in our case 2-3 babysitters, to take care of six kids for like 5-6 hours? We are not rich, but on date nights we spend nearly $100 on a babysitter alone. Usually a date night will consist of begging a family member, usually my brother, to watch our 5 year old. He is an amazing little boy. He's an overcomer. He survived being addicted at birth to cocaine and heroin. He is a fighter. He is also a fighter. There have been more times than not that the babysitter has had to call us to come home because he has run away, hurt someone, hurt the sitter, etc. If he has one on one attention, he does okay. So my brother usually watches him. Then I have 5 more kiddos. Their ages range from angsty 9 year old to rolypoly 8 month old. There are two 9 year old boys. They do not get a long. There are two girls. They mostly get along. Last, the baby. He is medically fragile. He has to be watched every minute. So we hire two or three babysitters. While at dinner, my husband and I talk about our kids, about how they make life so much more joyful and stressful. We make fun of them. We talk about how proud we are of them. And then we go home to them.
When we are invited somewhere as a family, which is super rare, I STILL try to find someone to watch Jonah. He just does not do well in chaos. When we go somewhere as a family, I threaten, bribe, encourage and beg my children to behave themselves this time. We are a tornado. The 4 year old WILL pick up everything. The not-angsty 9 year old will attach himself to someone for the night and follow them around mercilessly asking question after question. The 7 year old girl will be off on her own doing flips and cartwheels. The angsty 9 year old will find someone who also has their face in a tablet or phone and attach himself to that person, claiming he is making friends. The 8 month old will be attached to me. I will spend the entire time chasing kids, making sure they got enough to eat, making sure they are all still there.... "1,2,3,4,5.... crap where's 6?? Oh I'm holding him..." By the end of the event, I am drained. My husband is drained. My kids are generally hyped up on sugar. I forgot to eat. We go home and peel 6 sleeping children out of our 15 passenger van and vow to never go to a thing again.
Until we get lonely again. Until our friends get brave again. Until we deep sigh and just embrace this season of life.