Milky Macaroni

Making mac and cheese for the kids for lunch and made it a little milky... took me back to when we fostered A.
A was 7 when we got him. The first several nights he was with us, I sat at the end of his bed and sang to him and talked to him and prayed as he cried, wailed, for his mother. He was one of our first foster children and the experience of watching a child mourn for his mother was so painful. He didn't understand why his normal wasn't safe.
I remember A always requested his mac n cheese to be milky. At first I didn't understand why. Then he told me that his mom used to make it that way. A lived with us for a year and a half and in that time, he never stopped wanting milky macaroni. The tears stopped. Being without his mom became normal-ish to him.... But he never stopped wanting the milky macaroni.
For those people who always wanted to foster but were afraid of the pain of giving the kids back.... It's real. The pain is so real. I am still mourning that sweet boy. I see him every once in a while. He's happy. His aunt adopted him and he's happy.
I bet he still likes his macaroni milky though.
His pain, his grieving.... It's so much more than me.  I am so grateful for the chance to love on these kids. I am so happy for them when they find a forever home or get to go home. I worry. I grieve. I pray. I love on the next ones. My calling in life is to make macaroni milky. What is yours?